Wednesday, January 26, 2005

On the fence

So yesterday, I had yet another in what promises to be five years of every-three-month check-ups with Dr. RipCurl, so named because when he's not delivering babies, giving pelvic exams and tying tubes, he's catching some tasty waves. Last March, he totally gave me a comeplete hysterectomy, dude. (warning: The following may cause nausea and/or wincing) I told him that I didn't know whether it was the cancer, the hysterectomy, the surgical "exploration" and "reconstruction" of the sugar bowl (no idea why I put those words in quotes, but not "sugar bowl"), the grieving, the new baby, the chemotherapy, the hurricane stress, or just an underlying frigidity that is now rearing its head, but for SOME REASON I haven't felt, um, *romantic* in, oh, almost a year now. He says (with a straight face, mind you) that it's probably the hysterectomy and the hormonal thing. Furthermore, he says there is a GEL he can give me to help correct the problem. I ask if there are any risks associated with taking this hormone GEL. (Mmm, minty fresh!) He says your face will break out if you take too much of it. "I have one patient, who also had a hysterectomy, who was going through the same thing," he said. "It worked for her, but she was abusing it. She came in telling me about how she was hurting her husband and none of the fence posts in the neighborhood were safe. And she had acne." So there's that. I won't let you know if I decide to use it, nor whether it works. TODDLER NEWS Baby Buttercup is still not speaking in sentences, but gets closer every day. Last night, she was getting out of her bath and chattering away, and then singing as I wrapped her in a towel to fetch diaper and pajamas, and I realized with a start that, totally without prompting, she was singing "Happy Birthday." The tone was pretty good, and the lyrics were: "Aaappy, aaapy, aaapy, aaaapy, do youuuuuuuu." It was a beautiful way to end a day that included my trusted surgeon implanting in my brain the image of a middle-aged (I'm assuming here) woman humping her privacy fence. TEEN NEWS Last night we were going out to supper and we all loaded in to the van, along with Xerxes' friend Arp, when Xerxes said, "I've got two things to tell you." Xerxes never has anything to tell us. He speaks to us as little as humanly possible. I was terrified. "First," he said, "I got an 82 on my geometry test." (This is very big. He is the same child who will have to repeat the first semester of geometry in summer school because he failed it.) I expected the second thing to be something like, "And I've gotten my girlfriend pregnant!." But no, the second thing was about how he was going to get "The Adventures of Pete & Pete" on DVD from a friend. Later in the evening, he also told me all about how his whole ATTITUDE about school has changed, and he's really enjoying it, and getting involved. Clearly he's discovered the pleasure of methamphetamines. Oh well. Aappy, Aappy to you.


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